非誠勿擾之app版-1

Sa 發表於 2013-05-20 10:23
分類: 分類能不能--小博主專欄

文/小博主

手機螢幕跳出一個視窗,要我輸入自我介紹。我心想,雖然可能顯老,但還是搞怪地輸入了電影「徵婚啟事」裡的那段:

生無悔,死無懼,不需經濟基礎,對離異無挫折……

  • (因系統設定,您的自我介紹不得超過20個字)
  • ㄜ……都忘了在app的時代,一切講求快、狠、準。

    隨便搪塞了基本資料後,還在研究照片怎上傳之際,已經有兩把小紅旗閃爍著,表示有兩個新訊息!

    我的手機定位功能顯然出了問題,因為傳訊過來的人都是金髮碧眼的歪國人,兩人接連著傳訊問好、問問題,只是問的方向讓我一時有點摸不著頭緒……

    「Are you alone?」
    「How tall are you?」
    「What are you wearing now?」
    「Do you have web cam?」

    正當我的腦袋努力加速運轉,試著理解這種新奇的人際破冰方式,其中一位冷不防地傳了一張照片過來──

    喝!套句Top Gun在內地的翻譯……這可不是「好大一支槍」嗎?

    當下我是花容失色的,好比走在路上突然遇到遛鳥俠,一種極度不悅的感覺。然而,這位仁兄顯然不預期我的反應會是驚嚇,還追問Do you like it?

    我手忙腳亂地找出刪除加封鎖的功能,直到確定這位猴急兄的帳號被封鎖,才鬆了一口氣。

    另一位的訊息同時在閃,問我怎麼不回。還在從驚嚇中平復的我,便把剛剛的狀況描述給他聽。

    歪國人No.2他oh了好長一聲,接著下一個訊息說:

    Can you send me that pic? I wanna compare if his is bigger than mine!

    ……就這樣,揭開了我網路交友之app版的全新體驗。

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