在中國待太久的話…You know You’ve Been In China Too Long…

71 發表於 2007-09-24 12:11
分類: 道聽塗說, 身旁風景

公司裏因為美國老闆來,內部流傳著一份好玩的檔案 (中國稱文件)。
想要電子的格式就上網蒐了下….才發現,原來是生活在中國的西方人社區中, 顯然流傳甚廣的笑話集。很好笑; 如果有中國生活經驗的話,更好笑。
美國老闆一個人在會議室看我給他的版本,一陣陣的撲嗤大笑。

翻譯前五十個,如果感興趣可到所附網址看。
請享用。

The Comprehensive “You know You’ve Been In China Too Long…” List.

300 and 1 reasons You know you’ve been in China too long….
Compiled by Remix THB
1.幾杯白酒下肚毫無作用(白酒指的是高濃度酒精類;如高梁、二鍋頭、茅台等。
2. 到昂貴的西式餐廳吃飯,完全沒注意隔壁的人激動的大聲講手機。
3. 2000年長城干紅(中國產紅酒)混雪碧,是首選飲料。
4. 當有人說吃小點時,心理想的是炒魚乾。
5. 只喝一公升裝的啤酒。
6. 什麼場合都覺得穿拖鞋最爽。
7. 在路邊理髮攤剪頭。
8. 把’佐舟怒’服裝牌子的商標留在袖口。
9. 喜歡唱卡啦ok.
10.在公園倒著走,一邊聽收音機。

11. 中國郵報是主要的、快速的新聞來源。
12. 開始習慣盜版碟片的品質。
13. 主要運動是兵乓球。
14. 持續收看電視轉播的象棋比賽。
15. 發現所謂的自然公園,只有水泥地、巨大的革命雕像。
16. 在擠滿人的電梯裡抽煙。
17. 所有的白人看起來都長的一模一樣。
18. 覺得公車裏的空氣還挺可以。
19. 寬闊的空間讓你緊張。
20. 國營零售店的員工又專業又友善、又能幫你。

21. 牙齒又白又亮的人看起來很可怕。
22. 擤鼻涕不再需要衛生紙了。
23. 其他外國人看起來很奇怪。
24. 騎自行車上高速公路。
25. 座式馬桶不舒服。
26. 為了下一位用戶,把用過的衛生紙放進紙婁。
27. 相信濃厚的廢氣中有維持人體健康所需的營養要素。
28. 身體如有任何不適,原因都是氣場不對。
29. 不能消化奶製品。
30. 在手上寫字來幫助記憶。

31. 問別人的生肖。
32. 用 ’里’ 當作距離單位。
33. 覺得自己中文流利。
34. 隨時隨地都覺得蹲著好。
35. 30歲以上的女人帶 hello kitty 便當盒很可愛。
36. 很難用母語組合成一個完整的句子。
37. 要求吃特定口味的月餅。
38. 公共場所、廣場的各種異味已經成了正常的背景,不再引起你的注意。
39. 女人與錢之間,先選女人的就是性變態。
40. 保安是大樓年份的四倍。

41. 高樓丟垃圾不要緊,包括把舊冰箱從18樓的窗口丟下樓。
42. 知道住宅大樓的卡啦ok歌王是誰。
43. 覺得多按幾下開關會加快電梯速度。
44. 剪草機是終極的身分表徵。
45. 知道向超市收銀大娘勸說少用塑膠袋包裝是無用工。
46. 能認出劉德華、黎明、郭富城、張學友、成龍。
47. 不知道電腦軟體要用買的。
48. 粉紅色的浴室磁磚美化建築與公園。
49. 同事的零嘴是糖衣烏賊乾,你覺得理所當然。
50. 買了張廣東語暢銷牒。
51. 還真聽了好幾回。

1- A few shots of Bai jiu don’t even give you a buzz.
2- You’re at an expensive western restaurant and don’t even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
3- A June 2001 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite) is your vintage of choice
4- When someone says ‘snack’, you think: salted cuttlefish.
5- You only drink beer from one litre bottles.
6- You enjoy wearing flip flops on all occasions
7- you get your haircut on the sidewalk.
8- You leave the ‘Garbano’ designer label conspicuously on the jacket sleeve.
9- You enjoy karaoke.
10- You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.

11-The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.
12- You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.
13- Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.
14- You watch ‘xiaqi’ (Chinese chess) on TV religiously.
15- You find yourself “getting back to nature” in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
16- You smoke in crowded elevators.
17- All white people look the same to you.
18- You like the smell of the bus.
19- Open spaces make you nervous.
20- You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.

21- People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
22- You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
23- Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
24- You find yourself exiting a major highway…on your bike.
25- You find western toilets uncomfortable.
26- You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
27- You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
28- Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your ‘Qi’.
29- Your body no longer accepts dairy products.
30- You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.

31- You ask people in what animal year they were born.
32- You measure distances in ‘Li’.
33- You think you speak Chinese fluently.
34- Squatting becomes your favourite position, anytime, anywhere.
35- You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
36- You can’t put a proper sentence together in your native language.
37- You developed an acquired taste for mooncakes
38- You have stopped noticing the grotesquely deformed leper on the Exchange Square flyover.
39- A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
40- Your building’s security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.

41- It’s OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
42- Thanks to karaoke, you know who has the most singing talent in your building.
43- You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
44- The ultimate status symbol is a lawn-mower.
45- You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket
check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
46- You learnt to recognise Andy Lau, Leon Lai, Aaron Kwok and Jacky Cheung. AND JACKY CHAN
47- You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
48- Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.
49- Your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don’t bat an eyelid.
50- You actually purchased a canto-pop CD
51- You actually played it several times.

特別提下137號,這個是讓我撲嗤笑出來, 噴的電腦屏斑斑點點的。
137. You have figured out that it is actually the Taiwanese who are running this country.

45 Responses to “在中國待太久的話…You know You’ve Been In China Too Long…”

  1. Takol Says:

    be running 有兩個意思… 很好很好,有意思。

  2. 71 Says:

    running 應該只能翻譯成運行 管理之類的吧….

    你那裡還正好說 typo 呢! 已經幫你改了

  3. c- Says:

    一邊看一邊笑又一邊有點生氣中國人被說成這樣,但卻又是事實
    不知道這個list有多少是可以apply到台灣人身上?
    好像不少呢~

  4. 团副 Says:

    哈哈,入乡随俗, 这该就是异国情调的一部分吧?不过变化还是很快的,20年前不会是这样,那时家里没有冰箱可以扔,也没有雪碧,没有高速公路,没有塑料袋……

  5. 71 Says:

    To C-
    裡面大多都是真實的生活經驗
    西方與中國生活方式不同的必然有的感嘆…
    我小時後的生活經驗有很多相符的…哈哈

    現在我比較能認同西方人的那些不習慣

  6. 71 Says:

    To 團副
    對阿 我比較喜歡那時的中國
    但是 發展也是好事
    不好的只有 人人看錢 事事算帳很無去就是了

    希望下一個十年 中國人人不愁溫飽 都能從事真正想做的

  7. 杜生之 Says:

    感想居然達三百個,這也挺Chinese style的

  8. 小倩 Says:

    28讓我想到我一個不願回想的朋友…
    也是台灣人
    很嚴重的迷信

  9. 71 Says:

    To 杜生之
    看來也是網路社區眾志成城的貢獻 裡頭還有些重複的

    To 小倩
    這個’氣’ 體現在新官上任特別明顯
    兩岸的都算在內

    已經是產業體系了….專業風水師 我就打過交道
    沒弄清楚他們是誰之前 眾專業都笑話他們

    但是業主最信….

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